Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The Dreaded LDR

Who likes long distance relationships? Not me!

Long distance relationships or LDRs are the bane of a couple's existence. After all, what's the point of a relationship if there is no proper communication? (Email, phone calls and IM don't really count)

Things are hard enough as it is when you're trying to make a relationship work. Throw in distance into the mix and you've got a ticking bomb in your hands.

I know quite a bit about LDRs coz I've lived through a couple of them. My then boyfriend, now husband, travelled quite a bit.I remember trying really hard to cope during that time.

I turned to my friends only to realise that almost all of them were involved in relationships and therefore have a routine with their boyfriends on weekends and public holidays. Sure, they were up for meeting for a coffee or drinks ever so often but what was I supposed to do the rest of the time? Besides, my penchant for grabbing my phone and checking for messages must have cheesed them off!

Inspired by visions of Demi Moore in Ghost, I then decided to take up pottery. Unfortunately I didn't achieve anything aside from finding out that I suck at crafting anything out of clay.

Some ppl seem to think that LDRs allow space between a couple which is a good way to keep everything feeling fresh. I happen to think that that's a load of phooey! How's a couple supposed to even get to know each other when you're miles apart half the time. I'm not suggesting that you should live your life, tied at the hip, with your significant other. But too much distance for too long is disaster.

No, I believe that while LDRs are a fact of life, they're most certainly also a pain in the butt. Anyone who has ever been in an LDR or is currently in one (you poor thing!), do feel free to share. LDRs - beneficial to relationships or just phooey..whaddya think?

26 comments:

sinned- said...

Yes.. I strongly agree that LDR will never works. What`s the point of living in such way fearing that one party might`ve betrayed you one day? And it`ll for sure to end up as disaster if you got to find out that the other party having fun two-timing while you are just being a fool by giving him/her all your trust.

darthvadai said...

LDR aint meant to work its just a cheap alternative to saperating and being friend, when you cant do that all these, you start plotitng solution that are supposed to work? being 50km 500km or 5000km makes no difference just the same conditions in different environments. Lovely article Bravo

Anonymous said...

Dazed - I'm in a LDR now so I can totally relate to all the downside of it. I've been in one for a year now. Even though I can count with my fingers how many times I've met my bf I've never made so much progress in a relationship before. What I'm trying to say is that there's much that can be learned in LDR but it's all up to you and how bad u want to it to work out. It's all about trust, patience and determination. Those who are in one, don't make the distance an excuse to give up. Use it as an advantage. For example when u're so close to each other u tend to take things for granted but in LDR every minute u get to spend with each is precious. The excitement you get when you see each other is always there. The time u're not with each other is more than ample so use it well to think how to make the relationship works. More than often I do feel unfortunate on the situation I'm in but at the same time I am thankful cuz I am gaining so much from it than what I am losing. For me it's a test of how strong you are, how much you believe in yourself, how much hope and faith you have in yourself and for someone. LDR helps in measuring how much love you have for that significant other because everything becomes so much more difficult and complicated. So to those who's in one, take it as a chance to attempt and prove others wrong. There's no harm in trying what??

Anonymous said...

Agreed with anonymous1,i was still in one 2 months ago,but unfortunately she asked for a break up after almost 4 years of LDR,we got together not even half year before she departed to study overseas. I only got to see her once a year,2 months the most during her semester break,it was tough but i never regret it,until now,i'm still waiting for her next return which is 3 months from now,to patch things up with her. Many might think that i'm stupid to wait,but think again,if we have found someone special and mean a lot to us,why let go so easily?distance poses a problem,yes undeniably,but there isn't much of a relationship if there isn't any challenge.

Ash said...

Personally, I don't believe lah in LDR. I think it's quite susah to maintain, especially if you and your partner are in the early stages of relationship, where trust and commitment to each other is not well formed yet. I guess the best thing to do when youare in LDR is to trust each other and reassure each other. Having said that, I personally would not want to be involved in LDR...

pinkdiamonds said...

being in LDR for exactly one year and 4 months today, i realised its a relationship that can make you know more about yourself. having to know how much you can tolerate, give in to the other half, and being understanding and considerate at a greater limit, you'll be really amazed to know how much tough and difficult situations you manage to encounter and overcome with the other half. i see him every 2 months, and it beneficial to me because he's busy with his work and im occupied with studies most of the time. forking out 2 weeks to meet each other every 2 months tend to make us realise the changes, especially positive ones, in our relationship. Besides, because every moment is really precious, we treasure it alot. Consistent communication and trust is vital in LDR.

Kitten said...

i was in a LDR for 10 months. i had my breakup over the telephone call(which i paid for). he decided i was too insecure. which was a shock to me as i had never grilled him over what he did in my absence. then again, he was probably looking for an excuse to dump me and he came up with the lamest. what a loser! just my luck to hook up with a snake. lol.

LadyVanity said...

ok i am in a LDR right now and the post really got me thinking. My bf lives in Bukit Jalil and me in Kelana Jaya. Yeah to many people that may not be a big problem, but i am 16 and my bf is 17. so yeah. Biiig problem for us, especially where money and transportation is concerned.

i have faith in love. yeah you can tell me im too immature to go around making decisions like that cos of my age, whatever, but this is how i feel. I have neer made this much progress in a relationship before either. We try to meet once a month, and our times together, though short, are anticipated, appreciated, and very, very precious. Somehow I feel that I am growing stronger through this, and this is also a test of faith for the both of us. The miles between us only makes me yearn for him more and more, and I feel close to him at heart.

Jughead said...

Dear Trixie & Co,
Wake up! Rush to the nearest Times bookshop and buy yourself the Idiot's guide to LDR. It has all the answers to your anxieties. Most of you sound the way one would imagine your grandmothers speaking! Have you not heard of open relationships?? They are healthy for all parties involved provided they are mature in the mind. Maturity though seems rather deficient among those blogging on this site. ladies, realise the beauty and energy within and go out and floor all those dashing men. They are out there waiting for you.....And let your partners have the same freedom!
Jughead

Anonymous said...

All relationships have their issues, can be LD, family disapproval or simply partners growing and changing at different rates.

It the end they are all excuses (valid excuses) for the relationship not working. Relationships need the right time and place as well as the effort/commitment of both parties involved.

LDR can be hard, but relationships can be hard. And thinking that once you can be together then everything will be fixed is dangerous.

JJ said...

*giggles at Jughead* yes, LDRs *are* a good excuse to err.. pretend like you're still single. I was in LDR and lived it up to the max - best of both worlds man: boyfriend plus life of a single girl.

And LadyVanity: you ain't done an LDR until you are cross-continents. I laugh in the face of an LRT trip across the Klang Valley from Bukit Jalil to Kelana Jaya after having done trains, planes and automobiles in an LDR where I was in a small town in North England and he was in Australia. That's over 24 hours of travelling so yours is NOTHING honey! At least your phone calls are locally charged and you don't have to calculate time difference evertime you ring him!

looibee said...

Well, my good friend was in a LDR for 9 years. There were a lot of ups and downs of course, but the good news is, they are finally physically together (after all those years~fuh)

So, i guess patience and understanding help.

jules said...

i never had the chance to start a LDR even though i had really wanted to give it a try.. but the guy never gave me the chance. and used distance as a reason to break up with me. what an ass. real reason being, 'he's just not that into you'.

Anonymous said...

Okie...I know I'm a bit late to post any comments here...but I have a question actually.

The man interested in me (I have feelings for him too) is going to another country to work by the end of this month and he wants me to be his official gf. I know LDR is difficult but is it possible for a girl if the man is not her guy type?? =/ What if she meets another man who is nearly perfect just like her dream man or someone who fits her guy type criteria?

Trisha said...

Dear Anonymous Girl,

This is for the girl with the question. Sorry but I've got to answer your question with a question. Why would you want to be his gf if he's not your type? That's going to be a problem with or without the LDR...think about it girl...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for replying, Trisha.

My previous one ended pretty bad even though he was almost 100% my guy type. This new one makes me very comfortable that I thought I should give him a try. However, I still haven't given him the answer as I'm still a bit confused. What do you think?

Anonymous said...

for me LDR is a bull...i work my ass off to hang on it but not the other party.he went out with other girl while he's still with me!(can i say he was with me when he's million miles apart?hahahah...)what a pain in the *ss.well, it's been months now so if u ask me, no way.LDR is a no-no!

Anonymous said...

NO! I'm strongly against LDR!

LadyVanity said...

jj: haha yeah i have to agree with you. :) but i guess my relationship is similar to LDR cos, well, we are not really seeing each other in the flesh. It's all phone calls, IMs and texts. Yeah the journey is really nothing, come to think about it. It's the overly protective parents. Haha. ;)

Jughead said...

Anonymus, Ladyvanity, JJ: i see a discrete lesbian tendency in between the lines u have been writing?? vibrators may soon become your only realistic option to a peaceful life. cheers.jughead

Anonymous said...

Jughead

You consider vibrators the tools of lesbians?
How strange.

TheMiddleChild said...

I was in a sort of long distance thingie for abt 2 years...tats all i could stand...anyway i think he was a total arse (only tot this AFTER we broke up...which is of course always the case when u look back at things)

but i don think all LDR'S are bad...it just depends how commmitted u are and how much of an arse the guy is

JJ said...

Jughead: HOW on earth did you see lesbian tendencies? LOL Errr... not that that's anything wrong in being lesbian? hehe

LadyVanity said...

Jughead: i have no idea how u saw lesbian tendencies either :S but if by any chance u meant the lack of sex in the relationship due to the distance in between and having to resort to self-stimulation instead...personally, i don't feel that sex is everything. I don't get involved in relationships for the sex. In fact, i intend to practice abstinence. Lol.

besides, im still underage to enter an adult shop XD

Anonymous said...

I'm not really into LDR , but currently is in one. Honestly, it is a test on how strong our relationship, our faith and honesty. I hope mine would pull out and have a fairy tale ending.

-weiern- said...

my temporary LDR failed. because the other party didn't like it. I used to think that LDR will work but now i doubt so. however, many of my frens' LDR work and lasted for many many years. it's a miracle how they maintain it... hard work!