Saturday, May 20, 2006

Sisterhood vs Brotherhood

Has anyone noticed how men always back each other up? From lying for their friends to keeping secrets, 'the boys' seem to have an unspoken bond (dubbed the Brotherhood) which is virtually impossible to break. Just ask them for the details of a bachelor party or even a boy's night out and you'll know what I mean.

I wish I could say the same about the Sisterhood. I think we have to admit that the Sisterhood needs a boost. I don't deny that we ladies do support each other but behind all those heart to heart chats over cups of Starbucks coffee, The Green Eyed Monster can lurk dangerously close to the surface. From what I've observed, the inhabitants of Venus find it a lot harder to deal with rivalry and jealousy than Martians do.
Men compete on the playing field and at work but the buck stops there. They're able to live up to the "its not personal its business" motto.

The Sisterhood, on the other hand only seems to work well if we're all united against a common enemy to support a good cause (hence the success of various women's groups.) However, when we're left to our own devices its a different ballgame.

Successful working women seem disinclined to help their female underlings. In fact instead of backing each other up, these women tend to be threatened by ambitious women like themselves. I have come really close to strangling certain Lady Bosses who take unconcealed pleasure in tormenting rather than teaching their female underlings. Only the horror of prison (and those unspeakable outfits they make the inmates wear) has kept me in check!

In the relationship arena I think the bonds of brotherhood prevail. For example, if his friend cheats on his wife, it’s the wife’s fault. “She must have been some sort of control freak, that’s why he had to look elsewhere for companionship.” If the wife cheats on his friend it’s still her fault. “What a slut. He’s better off without her.”

Not so with women. If the man cheats, it’s the woman’s fault for not knowing how to keep her man. If she cheats on him, it’s her fault for not trying harder. All right, maybe the judgment isn’t always that harsh but I don’t think I’m totally off track either.

Don't get me wrong, I adore the depth and emotional support of female friendship. Which woman can live without it? I just happen to think that we still have a long way to go before we have a true connection that has nothing to do with men or with anything other than the fact that we’re women. But is this just all in my head? Do tell me what you think....

9 comments:

drea said...

I agree with you trish and btw..i love your column =)

Trixie said...

darlink you are so right... why do women keep destroying themselves? (both on a personal, individual level, and on a wider scale by destroying the whole Sisterhood.

There's also that thing where women are less inclined to feel 100% genuinely happy for another woman if something good happens to her. We're all smiles on the outside but there's a part in every woman that thinks "Damnit, I deserve it better." Most of the men I know aren't like that, and they have real sincere happiness for their friends that's far less laced with superficiality and malice.

delphynus said...

looks like there's a call for revival in the sisterhood... ;)

Ash said...

Yup... I agree with you. Notice how women are more catty and competitive among themselves? And I also noticed that brotherhood thing. Like when a guy is cheating on his gf, but the guys will never, ever tell on their mates? I think we women should try to be nicer to each other!

LadyVanity said...

i think theres a certain level of 'bitchiness' in all women lah... until today i don't understand it either *grin*

lynndhia said...

well there's a joke, saying tat if a wife didnt come home for a night, n told the husband tat she spent the night at a gf's place, most likely 10 out of 10 girls tat the husband calls will confirm tat the wife did not spend the night with them.

but...

if a husband claims tat he spent a night at a mate's house, out of 10 phone calls tat the wife will make to his mates, 5 will confirm tat he was there earlier n did spend the night with them, the other 5 will insist tat he's still there with them now

lol...shows how much we chicas stand up for each other eh?

Sarclover said...

all of my best friends are men..

do i need to go over this again??

eries said...

haha... 1st time ere... It's true... Gals nowondays are catty and really rather not be in trouble than to hang on there for a fellow gal...

I guess thats y I have more close guy friends... Gals are tempremental and sometimes are just "tidak-apa" about what goes through others' lives (not meant in a busy body way, a more concerned way)

I guess even how much we say that the equation in gender is more now compared to then, but then there are these few "unwritten" social stereotyping still lingering around...

Men find it so easy to get away with sleeping around (or goin out with sum1, used too big a language).. because girls who are just too emotional are attached to them... I bet you've heared of gals stickin with a guy tho he;s like shit... yea.. that's what I'm talkin bout... Guys listen to each other's advise attentively (tho they might not listen to their gals) Girls no matter what advise may brush all that was said away... "Love-conquers-it-all" so it seems... In the end, one another gets sick to give advise.. Happened to me, it got tiring...

I guess it's just down to the individual.. ^^ how much can we do to change the unwritten history?

Paprika said...

Hah! I always knew my friends and I were men deep down! We are fiercely loyal and blindingly biased. I've been guilty of what you are saying but never with my closest of friends. I guess at the end of the day, just make better friends?