Saturday, July 01, 2006

COLUMN: Turning another colour

Hope you all like the pretty new format - can't go wrong with pink and stars, for our illusions of grandeur. Am too damn lazy to write any more right now - am off food shopping for a party tomorrow!

T x x x

All a girl wants…

… is to kill that evil green-eyed monster.

Ah, jealousy! That mental affliction that plagues us all at some point or other in a relationship.

Someone once pointed out to me how useless an emotion jealousy actually is. It isn’t constructive in any way – it doesn’t help us grow and taken to extremes, can cause an irreparable amount of damage (remember Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?).

And yet, why do so many of us let it take such a strong hold of us?

Unfortunately, it seems that girls are usually more prone to submitting to turning green. It’s not that men don’t feel jealous but that women are more likely to react to it, often in bad hissy fits of hysteria.

You’ve seen the parodies of women who go ballistic when their boyfriends just look at another woman as she walks by their coffee table. “Why did you have to look at her?” demands the jealous girlfriend. “Aren’t I good enough for you? What does she have that I don’t?” ad nauseum.

Poor guy, all he did was look. Perhaps because he needed a break from her nagging in the first place and the next change of scenery just happened to be a woman. Or maybe he just turned his head instinctually, as we all do when anyone walks past.

So she’ll rant and rave and it’ll become a big issue every time he looks at someone or comments on Scarlett Johansson’s rack.

And what about men? Underneath that calm, unruffled exterior don’t they ever feel that slight ping of jealousy as their girlfriends go on and on and on about just how gorgeous-strong-tall-talented their friend-with-the-best-smile-in-the-world is?

Trisha and I cornered a former colleague and asked him if they do.

“Of course they do. They’ll just never admit it,” he said with a fat grin.

I confirmed this with my boyfriend who agreed that he “would rather die than admit I was jealous.” (This male pride thing is just hysterical!)

I’m assuming that all this stems from the fact that women are far more insecure about themselves than men are – jealousy seems the only natural expression of their need for reassurance.

I.e. “Darling, even if she has long legs, Jessica Alba isn’t a patch on how beautiful you are!” makes a girl feel much better even though it’s probably all bollocks and he’s only saying it because he doesn’t want to be in the doghouse for the next week. Best just acknowledge that Jessica is a babe and get on with it.

Then again, I do think that feeling some level of jealousy is necessary, even healthy. It shows us we’re still human, that the other person does matter and that we don’t want to lose them - which is only natural when you’re all loved up!

After all, if we didn’t feel anything – no jealousy, no envy, no tiny inclination to compare to near-naked pin ups and red carpet glamour – wouldn’t that mean we also didn’t care?

By the same token, I have to admit that though it stings to hear the boyfriend go on and on about how fabulous Devon Aoki is, I would probably be more worried if he never, ever commented on another girl.

I run the other extreme through my head: that the boyfriend had eyes only for me and worshipped me 24/7. I freaked out. That seems to be only the tendencies of obsessive compulsive psychos that go totally crazy and strangle you in your sleep…in which case, moments of jealousy seem far more desirable than risking excessive, infatuated behaviour.

And while men claim they don’t get jealous, it is also, I feel, rather important to ensure they’re properly kept on their toes too. No need to go the other extreme of acting the bullish Female Chauvanist Pig by flirting down the whole bar just to prove something to your man, of course, but just the casual mention by-the-by that that lovely new colleague of yours just does have the most spectacular eyes.

In defence of their male pride, they won’t sulk or get moody. In any case, the point is not to try to piss them off, it’s to let them know that we ain’t dead now we’re in a relationship, and that no, we don’t think they are the best thing since sliced bread so they can’t just get complacent and turn into couch potatoes.

Keeps up the standards, at the very least.

This can be a tough card to deal though because you never can quite tell if a jealousy trick will tip the other person into a frenzy or just fall on seemingly deaf ears, making you look rather the fool.

But playing the game is all part of the fun isn’t it? And that’s another story for another day – stay tuned for my next entry about games, and how to win ‘em!


delphynus said...

nice new layout.

S£ΔNNΔ said...

Nice article. Rather interesting. Keep up the good work. I rather like reading your articles. :)

P.S Umm, if it's not too much to ask, could you like, not say "obsessive compulsive psychos"? Not saying you must change your article or anything, but maybe not relate "obsessive compulsive" with "psychos" and other bad connotations next time round? Sorry about this, really. :p It's just that it's rather damaging if people get the impression that OCD sufferers are psychotic killers (I'm exaggerating). After all, I suffer from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) too, but I try to live a good life, and gladly just graduated in Computer Science (not bragging, just trying to say it doesn't matter even if one has OCD). And I'm nice to people and all, eventhough I haven't been put on any medication. Thanks in advance. Ah, I'm talking too much, huh? Well, anyway, nice blog, and I didn't mean this P.S. to be so much longer than the actual message, so sorry, ya? And no offense, really. :) Good luck in your lives, you two~! Keep blogging~! Love ya~ *hugs and kisses*

S£ΔNNΔ said...

Ah, silly me, I copied a link and then forgot to include it. Here's a link on OCD for those who are curious...

Trixie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Trixie said...

dear s£ - no offence taken at all. I'm glad you brought it up and I'm very sorry if I have offended you with using the term so flippantly. Actually, I reason I used it is because I have seen how "obsessive compulsive" I myself (and certain other people) can get over certain issues in my relationship... I imagine if my behaviour wasn't caught in the bud and brought under control, it would turn rather *ahem* psychotic. I definitely hadn't meant that every person suffering from OCD is a psycho at all though!

Thanks for ur comments and support though - we appreciate it!