Remember Trisha’s posting/column about gold diggers? Well I got to thinking about it some more so I'm goin to vent my spleen about them.
The Boyfriend was talking recently about a friend’s sister he met. Within an hour of drinking at Luna Bar, he’d concluded that she was that “kind of girl who was in her early 40s, still single, but really only looking to marry someone with money.” I don’t know if the boy was just being perceptive (or jumping to conclusions) or if she really was that obviously frank about her chosen goals in life. In any case, it wouldn’t be that surprising if she was, now, would it? We all know the sort.
Granted, money is important – no matter how much you think money won’t make any difference because “love conquers all” blah blah blah, it can, and does in the long run. But I did start thinking about how sorry and sad it must be for girls whose primary criterion for a husband/partner/boyfriend was money. I wonder if this really makes them happy, this continuous, ardent, illusive, search for constant, unchanging abundance of money.
I have an Uncle who, when he was 39 married a girl (I call her Aunty M) who was 19. He was very rich then, and the whole family knew he made profuse promises to her that once they were married, she would spend the rest of her life in luxury and have everything she wanted. The smell of money must have been too overwhelming, so Aunty M left everything behind, ditched her family, left her job, moved country and set up shop here.
A few years later, stupid Uncle lost all his money in the stock market (stupid bugger) so now he couldn’t fulfil all those monetary promises to Aunty M. She got very upset and very depressed and whined and whined to my mother about how she wished she could have overseas holidays, and expensive meals, and a nice car, and branded handbags and international school options for her kids. She also told my mother how she has decided she must get close to another of the rich aunties because, “she has the money.” She was obviously also too dim witted to understand just how unsubtle she was being in her show of greed and obsession.
14 years on, she’s got 3 kids under the age of 12 and she’s no less miserable about the sorry state of financial affairs she’s gotten herself into. Not to mention the fat, stingey toad of my Uncle that she has to put up with, three monster children, no qualifications and having to live in Klang.
So perhaps you think me a heartless bitch for making such a mockery of her, but really now, I have little sympathy for people who are so obviously marrying for money. Sure, I understand people come from difficult backgrounds and they are looking only for security… but security (living extravagantly, even!) can be got individually, through a girl’s own hard work, intelligence and guts.
To me, gold digging stands for a life that centres itself entirely and only around the lazy securing of luxury and comfort for oneself, and signals nothing less than just how small-minded and unimaginative the girl really is. It isn’t just about the money – it’s the whole complacent, boring, unmotivated, self-absorbed attitude and utterly useless indulgence that drives my entire disdain for these sorts.
And see, what they forget to tell these girls in money school is this single, key fact: you can’t your money with you when you die (and let’s face it, every day you’re getting closer to it!). In the case of Aunty M, all the money disappeared even before she’d hit her mid-twenties so she also got the bonus life (and spiritual) lesson of impermanence. So isn’t it just that little bit sad then, that their whole life strives towards
It doesn’t work to say that surrounding yourself with money is a way of making the most of this life and really living it up – if you’re doing it on someone else’s money then you can’t really say you’ve really achieved anything for yourself. Totting up the total spent on jewels and clothes and overseas holidays doesn’t count because nobody cares, because you’ve made absolutely no difference to anyone in the world! (And so does this mean you yourself end up being a
I certainly couldn’t do it - no amount of cash could possibly make up for the painful blah of having to put up with an gargoyle for the rest of my days. And in any case, I’d like to think I could make my own way in the world, without resorting to marriage as a convenient solution!
PS I do know girls who’ve married into money in a HUGE WAY but the dosh is incidental, and they’ve used the money for hugely beneficial works in charity and giving back to the community. They live with the attitude, “Well, if I’ve got all this cash, might as well share it!” and they splash it around on the rest of the world as if money were free. They are totally admirable for what they are able to accomplish from the money they land into… which makes the gold diggers look all the more ridiculous with the way they’re living.