Monday, September 24, 2007

Junk Mail



I was looking through my junk mail on Yahoo! trying to sort out between permanent trash and genuine mail (which mysteriously winds up with my junk mail despite my constant fiddling with the spam filter). This is a daily chore that I put up with and I usually don't mind because it takes about 30 seconds to get it done.

Today, however, I paused to take a closer look at all that spam and I found myself wondering who ARE the people behind them?? I know it's automated but they've got to come from somewhere..someone must be writing them?

Out of the 5 junks I received, 3 were about football and 2 had sexual connotations.

I decided that whatever spyware these junk mail people were using to identify their unsuspecting recipients/victims, can't be good. There are very few people in this world who have less interest in football than I do. All I know about football is that a bunch of guys kick the ball around and a couple of them are good looking. I wouldn't be able to tell you how many players are in each team if you pointed a gun at my eyeball. They'd have been better off trying to get my attention with shoes.

The football-related mails had these subjects: Football Fan Essentials, FOOTBALL!Are you ready? and Are you ready for some football?

The senders were rsjn, douglaswyatt and raymonddonner respectively. Douglas and Raymond didn't even have the gumption to come up with individual subject lines (although Douglas has tried to infuse some enthusiasm by using capitol letters and an exclamation mark).

The other 2 mails were even worse. One had nothing in the subject line but the recipient would have little cause to wonder what the mail would be about since the sender is called Cure Impotence. Now, that's a dead giveaway if I ever saw one!

The last one was the 'best' one of all. The sender's name is Carly and in the subject line was this intriguing question: Do you want to enlarge your penis at home?. No I don't Carly, not even if I actually had one and if I happened to have one AND I was stupid enough to think I could enlarge it, I certainly wouldn't do it at home, thank you very much!

I didn't open any of the mails, of course (goodness knows what viruses lurk within). I'm just curious as to who comes up with these mails and how. Do they sit around at a conference table discussing, over coffee, new and improved ways of infuriating the recipients of their junk mail? Possibly.

Personally, I picture a lonely computer geek, sitting in his room somewhere in Arizona, getting paid something like 5 cents a week to send out insignificant and sometimes offensive junk to millions of people around the world. Sad.

I used to think that the worst jobs in the world had to be septic tank workers and toll booth collectors but now I realize that Junk Mail sender can't be much better!

Cartoon from http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/horsey

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Wasting my life away....

I am officially a Facebook Fanatic!!! I've been sitting at the computer since 8:30am and now it's 11:33 am in Tanzania and I'm still unable to tear myself away!

I've got articles to write and breakfast to eat.....

Now I know what it feels like to be a druggie....somebody help!!!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Celebrities? Not so much!

I've decided to come clean. In the name of honesty, I'm going to reveal a list of celebrities whom I think don't belong in Hollywood because they just-aren't-good-looking-enough (even though tabloids and the general public insist they are!)

Let's face it people, Hollywood and the movies are largely about looks (there are some exceptions like Meryl Streep but you've really got to be a HUGE talent to offset lack of looks!).

Taking this into consideration, I've carefully compiled this list of people who should be in an office somewhere hidden behind a cubicle and not up on the big screen or in the limelight where the rest of us are forced to pay money to look at them. We'll begin with:

1. Renee Zellweger






Let me tell you she did NOT have me at hello. She looked her best in her first movie, Jerry Maguire but even then she wasn't that great looking. She was good as Bridget Jones only because Bridget isn't supposed to be the Miss World type. Sorry to say this but I have a soft toy pig that is a dead ringer for Renee. I think Miss Piggy (the muppet) is marginally cuter and certainly more glamorous.

2. Justin Timberlake

Many a die-hard fan will disagree with me on this but I urge you to look deep into your hearts where the truth resides. Justin started off in the Mickey Mouse Club (already a HUGE turn off) and moved on to 'N Sync with, think about this, tight curly hair and a loony smile. We should all thank the stylist who finally convinced him to lop off those ridiculous curls. At least now with only a thin film of hair clinging to his head we (including Timbers) can try to forget his hair-raising past. Unfortunately, he still sports that loony, decidedly un-sexy grin. He insists he's Bringing Sexy Back - I'm still waiting.


3. Cameron Diaz



Another victim of the Loony Grin Syndrome (she seems to have a Loony Grin perpetually frozen on her face). She was SO hot in The Mask (her debut, I think) but has had nowhere to go but down since then.
Someone must have told her, at some point, that she's got a really wonderful, happy smile and infectious laugh. She's been playing up these 'assets' ever since and I think she's gone overboard because now, she's laughing all-the-time. That girl would laugh if you fell down the stairs and broke both your legs. It may have been infectious once but these days she sounds like she's drowning in a pool somewhere every time she lets out a guffaw (which is often). Meanwhile the years have not been very kind to Cameron and perhaps because she laughs as often as an insane person does, she's got the lines to show for it. Everybody say Botox.

4. Kirsten Duntz

I remember her when she was a little girl in Interview with a Vampire opposite Hollywood Hotties Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. The casting was brilliant and I thought that it was the creativity and genius of the makeup crew that made Miss Duntz look all Dracula-like. Years have passed, she's all grown up and I notice she still looks like a vampire (so it wasn't the makeup after all). She needs a trip to the orthodontist. Those razor-sharp, angular, pointy teeth of hers are doing her no favours in the looks department.
The last person who should be Mary Jane Watson in the Spiderman series, if you ask me. Someone less vampire-like would have been a lot easier on the eye.

5. Daniel Craig






Has no one else noticed that he'd fill the shoes of a thug much better than he could ever fill James Bond's? I thought Bond was supposed to be sexy and suave. I read somewhere that Craig was too short, too blond and too crass to play the role and I couldn't agree more. The man tries hard to get a sultry look going on (refer to pic) but just can't seem to get past his brutish features. Perhaps his acting prowess makes up for his lack of looks but unfortunately for Daniel this is a list about looks not talent.


Alright, that was pretty harsh but I stand by my list and to be honest I didn't do this in the name of honesty. I did it because I felt like being catty. My advice is, when you're in a foul mood, take it out on celebrities. They're rich, they're famous and they don't give an arse coz any publicity is good publicity (or at least that's what I'm telling myself!)

pics courtesy of askmen.com, smh.com.au and mi6.co.uk

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Yet another new look

I've changed my template again. I think it looks kind of funky now. The only problem with it is when I try to bold something it comes out in this color and can't be seen!

I'm really getting obsessed with this aren't I?

On top of this, the Internet is behaving badly once again and I'm trying to do everything quickly before it decides to die on me.

I think I'd better stop doing this before I become a complete nerd!

PS: Ooooh...I just realized that I can choose my font colour in my post - like this. I really, really better stop fiddling around with templates....totally losing it!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Panic!

Oh no! *screams*!

I nearly died when I logged on to this blog a few hours ago and found that my entire template had disappeared! I was deeply thankful that the entire blog hadn't gone Bermuda Triangle on me as well.

That's why there's this new image all of a sudden. I've been meaning to update the look for sometime now and it looks like the Universe has decided that it's going to be today.

Overall, I'm still not too pleased with what I've got but it's going to have to do for the moment. I've been sitting in at the computer for ages and just looked up to realize that it's dark and The Engineer is hungry so I've gotta go!

I've lost all of the links that we had (Trixie put them up) and have had to deal with a WHOLE LOT of HTML which really, really, really sucks big time!

On the upside, I've edited my Profile which I've been meaning to do and I'm planning to add new page elements soon.

Told you I've been at this for so hours... I sound like a proper Obsessed Blogger now!

World Wide Web-oholic

I had no idea how much my life depended upon the smooth, uninterrupted running of the Internet until I had it suddenly snatched away from me last week.

The people who were supposed to renew my subscription took an age and a day to get the job done. I'm here to say that the Malaysian 'lepak' attitude seems positively industrious compared to the Tanzanian 'pole pole' (meaning slowly, slowly in Swahili).

While the Tanzanian Internet people took their pole pole time, I found myself feeling perplexed and groundless...constantly, mournfully glancing at my blank computer screen. This is what druggies and alcoholics must feel like!

Like all junkies, I was all irritable and nasty, getting a little desperate, looking for my next fix. I was just thinking of driving out to the atrociously priced Dar Es Salaam Holiday Inn to log on, when the net was reconnected!

I wonder what the hell we all did with ourselves before the Internet took over our lives? The harsh realities of life are so much more bearable when I'm comfortable ensconced within the World Wide Web.

Monday, September 03, 2007

There's no ugly like Crocs Ugly

I'm going to come right out and say it: Crocs are U-G-L-Y.

They're so horrible that they border on offensive. C'mon, be honest with yourself and take a good, long look:




The first time I saw a pair, I actually held my breath for a few moments because I'd never laid eyes upon such ugly shoes (and I've seen some hideous footwear in my lifetime, trust me - I grew up in the 80s).

The people who released these revolting shoes upon the world have tried their darndest to pretty-them-up with cute colours but ugly, they stubbornly remain.


A friend recently wore them and I couldn't take my eyes off them - it's like the scene of a car crash, you don't want to look but you just have to! My friend's pair was black which made them all the uglier (if that's even possible!).

To her credit, she admitted that they're quite awful and that she would never have bought them for herself ( which is a good thing because I find it hard to remain friends with people who knowingly subject their friends to Crocs). They were a gift and she'd contemplated ignoring them completely but the moment she put them on, she said just couldn't take them off again - they were SO comfortable!

For the longest time, the Crocs craze was a mystery to me. All was revealed when I tried on a pair and they were possibly the most comfortable things I'd ever had on my feet. I almost gave in to the sudden urge to ignore what my eyes were telling me and run out and buy a pair for myself. I managed to fling them off my feet just in time. It was like being under some kind of spell - their comfort makes you forget how revolting they look!

Comfort or no comfort, that's no excuse to prance around with what looks like the footwear of choice for the trolls and goblins in Enid Blyton's books. I've never seen any human being look good in Crocs. That's probably because they belong on something that looks like this:


I believe the only people who can give Crocs a run for their ugly money are the Dutch and their hideous wooden shoes (try not to look directly at them)



Hopefully the good people at Crocs will eventually come up with something that's just as comfortable but with a severely diminished level of Ugly.If they don't, I propose that the English language expands to include a new phrase - "Croc Ugly".This will be used to describe something that looks particularly horrendous when all other words fail to hit the mark.

Meanwhile, in protest, I shall endeavor to remain resistant to these revolting things. Promise to shoot me if you see me in them.

pics courtesy of: www.kickmaster.com,www.theorthoticgroup.com,www.hegemonyrules.net