Monday, September 24, 2007

Junk Mail

I was looking through my junk mail on Yahoo! trying to sort out between permanent trash and genuine mail (which mysteriously winds up with my junk mail despite my constant fiddling with the spam filter). This is a daily chore that I put up with and I usually don't mind because it takes about 30 seconds to get it done.

Today, however, I paused to take a closer look at all that spam and I found myself wondering who ARE the people behind them?? I know it's automated but they've got to come from somewhere..someone must be writing them?

Out of the 5 junks I received, 3 were about football and 2 had sexual connotations.

I decided that whatever spyware these junk mail people were using to identify their unsuspecting recipients/victims, can't be good. There are very few people in this world who have less interest in football than I do. All I know about football is that a bunch of guys kick the ball around and a couple of them are good looking. I wouldn't be able to tell you how many players are in each team if you pointed a gun at my eyeball. They'd have been better off trying to get my attention with shoes.

The football-related mails had these subjects: Football Fan Essentials, FOOTBALL!Are you ready? and Are you ready for some football?

The senders were rsjn, douglaswyatt and raymonddonner respectively. Douglas and Raymond didn't even have the gumption to come up with individual subject lines (although Douglas has tried to infuse some enthusiasm by using capitol letters and an exclamation mark).

The other 2 mails were even worse. One had nothing in the subject line but the recipient would have little cause to wonder what the mail would be about since the sender is called Cure Impotence. Now, that's a dead giveaway if I ever saw one!

The last one was the 'best' one of all. The sender's name is Carly and in the subject line was this intriguing question: Do you want to enlarge your penis at home?. No I don't Carly, not even if I actually had one and if I happened to have one AND I was stupid enough to think I could enlarge it, I certainly wouldn't do it at home, thank you very much!

I didn't open any of the mails, of course (goodness knows what viruses lurk within). I'm just curious as to who comes up with these mails and how. Do they sit around at a conference table discussing, over coffee, new and improved ways of infuriating the recipients of their junk mail? Possibly.

Personally, I picture a lonely computer geek, sitting in his room somewhere in Arizona, getting paid something like 5 cents a week to send out insignificant and sometimes offensive junk to millions of people around the world. Sad.

I used to think that the worst jobs in the world had to be septic tank workers and toll booth collectors but now I realize that Junk Mail sender can't be much better!

Cartoon from

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