Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Stupid Rapper Names

Ooops! I just realized that I'd accidentally published this post without the pics so here it is again, with pics and paragraph indentations included this time : )

Has no one else noticed that rappers have the most stupid names - ever? How are we, the general public, supposed to take people like Ludacris seriously when his name can be instantly linked to the word ludicrous which is what he must be to have a name like that! (he certainly looks the part in this pic)



Next on my hit list is 50 cent (it just occurred to me that Rappers, of all people, know all about making hits and getting hit!).


The man must have no sense of self-worth. He could have, at the very least, called himself 500cent or 5000cent but nooooo… he had to go cheap. Now, according to the E! channel, he's known only as Fiddy which is just as well.

While we're on the subject of stupid rapper names, I can't possibly leave out Nelly. For one thing, Nelly is, as far as I know, a woman's name. For another thing, this particular Nelly looks more like a Felly (that's my original rapper-slang for felon). I don't care how good his music is, he really shouldn't be allowed to get away with making people call him that.



But if Nelly is bad, Snoop Dogg is even worse! Previously known as Snoop Doggy Dogg, he apparently changed his name to Snoop Dogg when he left Death Row Records (there's another absurd name for you!) to No Limit Records*. His mum used to call him Snoopy when he was little because of his love for the comic, Peanuts. This is all very sweet until you take a look at the adult Snoop Dogg...Doggy or whatever.

This tall, emaciated rake of a man, doesn't look anything like Charlie's Brown's Snoopy. Instead, he looks like he's just smoked something that you can't buy at 7-11. Here's proof (only someone high on something is going to go out in public looking like this!):




There's really no end to the Stupid Rapper Name List. Snoop Dogg not only forced us to accept his own silly name but he's responsible for spawning Lil' Bow Wow who has now renamed himself Bow Wow (does he think that he's going to gain any more respect for dropping the Lil' when his name is essentially the sound dogs make when they bark?).

There are others who deserve special mention. There's Diddy who was previously Puff Daddy, Puffy, P.Diddy and countless other equally absurd variations of a basically stupid name. I think Ice Cube wants himself to be associated with ice because it's cool. Listen, man - Vanilla Ice tried it years before….it didn't work then, it's not going to work now. The lesser-known Coolio also probably thinks he's linking himself to the word 'cool' in people's minds but sadly, you hear Coolio you think coolie - laborers hired for minimum wage.

Besides having asinine names, not many of these rapper types have much in the looks department. More than half of the really famous ones look like they're either stoned, drunk or both (see above). The rest look like they've escaped from a nearby penitentiary and I always expect to see the police come and grab them by the collar in the middle of one of their concerts (this might actually happen - a large number of these gangstas have police records or seen the inside of a prison).

I suppose everyone forgives their lousy names and even lousier looks because of their talent but I personally think the music industry is in need of a serious revamp when people like Da Brat and Yukmouth (l didn't make these up) are allowed to flourish.

Fascinating fact: I was looking up rapper names on Google when I came across www.rapstarname.com . It generates a rapper name for you. Apparently, I'm supposed to be Kandle Valentine if I ever went down the rap route (not too bad - at least it wasn't Da Gangsta Gurl or Talant-lass!).

*info gleaned from Wikipedia

image of nelly courtesy of www.nndb.com, snoop - pursepage.com, 50 - nymag.com, ludacris - daveyd.com

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

that' some stupid racist shit to say. you got no reason or right to criticize. what do you hope to gain by putting people down? anyways, ice cube was way before vanilla ice (as was ice t) and they all go back to iceberg slim anyways. but i'll bet you don't know nothing 'bout no iceberg slim.

Anonymous said...

This is 2 ALL the haters who hating on these fly folks name yall need 2 stop.? your name is?let me guess something fu**** up and ugly its mo stupid names than that so dont hate.

Anonymous said...

you say that ice cube is a stupid name..... ?
yo stupid ? its the best name i ever heard... it sounds deeply gangsta
and what is your problem whit thir names ?
the only thing i can think off is that you want to be famus like those rappers .. but u cant !
here u are making fun of them...
really they dont give a fuck
whit their money they have a life
and you.... should get a life

Trisha said...

It's not about me hating these rappers ( I actually like some of them), it's about expressing what I feel. I stand by what I say. Their names are stupid.Here's an idea: don't like my opinions, don't read my blog.

Anonymous said...

They can't even comment with proper grammar.