Thursday, December 06, 2007

The Vaguely Vulgar Girls


If there's anything I dislike it's women who are unnecessarily 'touchy-feely' with your boyfriend/husband.

There are two important categories when it comes to social interactions and platonic relationships between the sexes : Nice and Decent or Vaguely Vulgar. Vaguely Vulgar Girls are just over the invisible line that separates the two.

VVGs play their cards just right. They slip a hand around a man's waist for no apparent reason and leave it there for just a moment too long. They make a perfectly innocent comment but lean really close to his ear to say it. They lay a hand on his shoulder as they throw their heads back and laugh hysterically at his (probably bad) jokes. Some of the more brazen hussies will make like a Roman toga and drape themselves all over the man ....


The trickiest part of all this is that these annoying little performances take place right in front of the man's partner. The wife/girlfriend is left with little choice but to watch and fume inwardly. What's a woman to do? If she kicked up a fuss to her man, she'd come across as a pathetic, insecure, jealous female. Worse still if she confronted the VVG. With practiced fluidity the VVG would inform her that it's all innocent and in the name of friendship.

In all this the man in question will - predictably - do little if anything to throw the VVG off his personal space. Let's face it, which man is going distance himself from a woman who seems to be 'harmlessly' flirting? After all, any chance he gets to inflate that overly sensitive and quick-to-deflate ego of his is a chance he's not going to pass up.

After a decade of arguments and ulcers, I've recently realized that VVGs come and go like the breeze. There's ALWAYS going to be a woman somewhere who is so full of self-doubt that she'll flirt with every man within a 5km radius. She's not going to bother her insecure self with little details like whether the man is attached or not.

This type of blase attitude among VVGs used to throw me in a fit but it has dawned upon me that while VVGs can make you want to scream with aggravation, they're rarely vindictive or vicious. Their annoying little performances generally don't go any further.

The women to really watch out for are the ones who seem to have wings sprouting out of their backs and a halo over their heads. These types know what they are capable of behind the scenes and take extra precaution to appear holier-than-thou in public.

That's why I've concluded that VVGs are the lesser of two evils. So, everytime you're confronted with a one in your vicinity (I do this too) just calmly repeat to yourself: "VVGs aren't vicious, VVGs aren't vicious" Then, as the night ends, make sure you catch her eye, give her a (smug) smile, hold hands with the man she's been flirting with all night and casually stroll away.

pics courtesy of askmen.com and hadrians.com

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